Do men communicate in different ways to women.........?

Are men and women different? And if we are is that difference a product of nature, nurture of a bit of both?

Growing up in the 70s and 80s I bought into the notion that men and women are essentially the same and that we are conditioned to be masculine and feminine (and that masculine qualities were bad and feminine qualities were good).

In the 90s there was a wave of popular books like Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus; You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation and Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps, which focussed on the essential differences between men and women---and in particular in the different communication styles of men and women.

So where are we now in the nature versus nurture debate? Earlier this month, scientists at the University of Pennsylvania revealed that they'd scanned the brains of nearly 1,000 men, women, boys and girls and found striking differences. Men and women's brains are connected in different ways, they said, and this may explain why the sexes excel at certain tasks.

It's not the first time neuroscience has revealed the differences in male and female brains but for some people who believe that gender is all about social conditioning, this type of research is heresy. I was surprised to see some people in my circle asking if these brain differences were the result of nature or nurture and questioning whether the research was a "perfect case study in neurosexism".

Of course if you are heavily invested in a belief that gender is all about nurture then you will resist new information that suggests otherwise (and vice versa). Personally, I no longer buy into the nature or nurture debate----and I no longer think that masculine is bad and feminine is good----I think all qualities have healthy and unhealthy manifestations and that developing a balance of healthy masculine and feminine qualities is the best way for humans and humanity to progress. I now tend to agree with Ali G's cousin (Professor Simon Baron Cohen) that biology and culture interact to create sex differences---or put simply, we're all a little bit nature and a little bit nurture.

We still live in a highly gendered culture (if you're a man and don't believe this try putting on a dress and stepping out of your house and see what happens to yourself and those around you---go on, I dare you). As a man living in a highly gendered culture I find essentialist thinking (like Mars and Venus) that highlights the differences between men and women to be incredibly useful in understanding how I tick, how other men and women tick and how we interact with each other.

And I don't think that's the whole picture. Firstly, there are ways that men and women are clearly different and understanding our different natures can help us make sense of the world. Secondly, men and women are also diverse, as well as sharing common traits with most other men (from wearing trousers, to having a penis, to generally having more testosterone than women), there are also many things I may not share in common with other men.  Thirdly, men and women are also adaptable---we are not fixed beings who are rigid and incapable of growth and development---and that's where understanding the influence of nurture----past, present and future----can help us grow.

So for me being a man (as distinct from being a woman) is no longer simply a question of nature or nurture. In my experience men are different, diverse and adaptable. I am privileged to know a diverse community of men and two great men I have the pleasure of knowing are Mark Walsh and Francis Briers from Integration Training.

The video above is great fun, it's about how men communicate love and it demonstrates that while these two men accept that men and women can be essentially different----they also recognize that men (and women) can adapt and develop and grow. On that basis I recommend you go and have a look at their great video above, it made me laugh and it made me think and it made me happy to know there are men like Mark And Francis in the world sharing these ideas with others (but guys please stop asking me to choose which of you I like the best you competitive wankers!)

IF YOU'D LIKE TO DOWNLOAD A FREE CHAPTER OF MY NEW BOOK "EQUALITY FOR MEN" JUST CLICK HERE NOW TO FIND OUT HOW.