Wow, I've just lost my first half stone

Well I did it. I’m proud to say that in I hit my first significant milestone in my journey from 14 stone 10 pounds to 12 stone 10 pounds.

It happened on Day Twenty in the big belly house. I stood on the scales last Friday the good news is I was down to 14 stone 3 pounds, which means I’m a quarter of the way to my target. Yes I have lost half a stone and when I drop the next 4 pounds I’ll be the right side of 14 stone again and on my way to losing a stone.

I was particularly pleased with the result as I’d just got back from a trip to Belfast where I wasn’t a food Angel---no my halo slipped---particularly the night we headed for the “Chips and Fish” takeaway where I ate, amongst other things, the vegetarian classic ---- two fried eggs and fried mushrooms on fried soda bread with deep fried chips.

I expected to step on the scales on my return and be back to where it started and of course you don’t (as a rule) gain or lose half a stone in a day. They say 1-2 lbs a week is a sustainable speed to lose weight, which is way too slow (no pun intended) for my liking. Here’s my progress so far:

Week Zero: Started at 14 stone 10 lbs

Week One: Down to 14 stone 9 lbs

Week Two: Down to 14 stone 4 lbs

Week Three: Down to 14 stone 2 lbs

At this rate it’ll take me just over 10 weeks to lose two stone, which will be a fantastic way to start the year.

So what’s making the difference? I think it’s a combination of things. Making this challenge public has kept me from giving up or having a serious relapse(so far) and then the key day-to-day behaviours are eating healthily and regularly, getting more exercise and drinking lots of water.

On the food front, I am a lot more calorie aware than ever before (without being obsessed). I know, roughly speaking, that if I stick to three meals of 400 to 500 calories a day and snack/drink no more than 400 to 500 calories then there’s a good chance I’ll be burning more calories than I eat.

I’ve mostly removed wheat and refined sugar from my diet and in particular have stayed away from evil biscuits which are a personal weakness---and I’ve trained myself to be able to do one lousy chin up (though whether that’s because I’ve got stronger or lighter is not clear).

Perhaps most rewarding of all is that as well as seeing the man boobs melting away, my waistline has gone from 37 inches breathing it to 34 inches (and from 39 inches breathing out to 37 inches).

Oh and my BMI (body mass index) which was closer to the obese range of 30 plus than the healthy range of 18.5 to 25, is down from 28.7 to 27.4.

So right now, as far as the scores on the doors are concerned, it’s all heading in the right direction........oh, and in case you were wondering, the picture isn't me! 

Have I got man boobs or sexy pecs?

A funny thing happens on my way to a healthy weight. Prior to starting a weight loss challenge I avoid looking in the mirror. I know I'm overweight but if I don't think about it then I can kid myself it doesn't exist (even though my weight keeps following me around making it difficult for me to get into my trousers).

Then when I start to try and lose weight something different happens. I mentioned this in my post last week about losing the will to lose weight:

"What happens when I start to try and lose weight is that I become very body conscious and so I keep looking at my body and going "Oh my God. I've been dieting for like nearly two hours now and NOTHING has changed it's SOOOOOOO UNFAIR"."

But then my positive voice kicks in, to help me keep going. I pull in my stomach, throw back my shoulders, puff out my chest to embody my proudest masculine stance and I focus on on the part of my body that I love the most.......my sexy pecs!

I look at my chest and think "hey, you've got a damn fine pair of pecs there Mr Poole, stick a bit of fake tan on them and wax off those hairs and you could be a cover boy for Men's Health magazine next month". And this illusion (for it is a mere mirage dear reader) keeps me going with my healthy eating regime because while the scales say I'm overweight, the man in the mirror says I've got sexy pecs!

BUT THEN TRAGEDY STRIKES!

Having persevered for a few days or weeks even, with the help of my delusions of pectoral grandeur something terrible happens............I actually start to lose weight. But surely that's good news? NO! Because the first place I lose weight is off my flipping chest! 

Is it possible I have lost muscle mass by eating healthily? No! There was no muscle there in the first place because they weren't sexy pecs after all they were man boobs! Damn! 

And to make matters worse, I now have a disproportionate amount of flab on my chest and belly. So before, I thought I was "chunky" all over and looked like a man with sexy pecs who needed to tone up his belly a bit. NOW I think I look like an obese version of a starving Biafran child, with a great big belly and a hollow pigeon chest.

Now I have to go through the deeply emotional process and let go of the fantasy that I had sexy pecs (and cancel my appointments with the picture editor at Men's Health magazine and the local sun bed centre and waxing salon) 

And rather than reaching for the chocolate biscuits for consolation, it's time to convince myself that rather than mourning the loss of my pecs, I should be celebrating the loss of my man boobs! 

DAY ELEVEN NOTES

WEIGHT: 14 stone 5lb (healthy range 9 stone 7lb to 12 stone 12lb)

WAIST: 35-38 inches/94-99 cms (depends if I'm breathing in or out) 

BMI: 28 (healthy range 18.5 to 25) 

ACTION: Walked and ran 4-5 miles,  drank lots of water, stayed off the biscuits, snack on fruit and the one remaining healthy flapjack 

Next: Not yet known

Previous: Am I a closet binge eater?

Am I a closet binge eater?

This may be one of the more embarrassing things I admit in public but here goes....I binge eat. I don't do it to extremes, just the odd packet of biscuits now and then, but you know, I can handle it.... 

Chocolate biscuits are my favourite binge I can eat a whole packet in sitting (or standing, maybe even lying down if you push me over). Tubs of ice-cream is another or big bars of chocolate. Then there's crackers and cheese for a savory binge. Crisps. Oh and rice cakes and hummus with tomato and/or cucumber and for a healthy binge.

Binge eating is more likely to go unnoticed in men. Maybe we don't talk about. Maybe medical practitioners aren't trained to spot eating disorders in men. Maybe it's more socially acceptable for men to be overweight and overeat?

I doubt that I'd qualify as a serious case but I've gone through the binge eating check list for men and I ticked a lot of boxes. Here's the list: 

Do you repeatedly eat large amounts of food in short periods of time, without purging? (yes, mostly biscuits and I never purge)

Do feel out of control around food? (not sure it's a feeling, don't they know not to ask men about their feelings! Ask us about actions. I act out of control around biscuits sometimes)

Do you eat in secret or hiding food? (God I have done that, now it's mostly others who hide food from me. Jokes! No I do binge alone mostly and yes sometimes I'm secretive about it.)

Do you eat regardless of hunger and until uncomfortably full (Damn I do sometimes yes)

Do you eat to relieve difficult feelings (all these questions about feelings are making me want to eat too many biscuits!)

 Do you feel shame, self-hatred, disgust or despair after overeating? (No I don't. I like biscuits. Maybe I should feel bad and wrong and shamed and then I'd stop it) 

Do you frequently diet or take other measures to control weight and eating habits (Actually in the last couple of years I haven't, again,  maybe I should).

I'm currently 21 lbs overweight and at increased risk of poor health as a result and this is mostly, I think, because I binge on biscuits. I've been increasing McVitie's profits and expanding my waistline because I don't manage my desire to eat too many biscuits. How ridiculous does that sound? 

And after nine days of healthy eating I had my first mini binge this week where I caught myself standing in the kitchen (I don't know how I got there, must have been an alien abduction). I was baking low-fat flapjacks because there're no biscuits in the house (I made sure of that)---and then I ate the lot, well all but one (I have some standards).

Why did I do it? I was tired, I was pushing myself to carry on working late in the evening when my body and brain were tired and saying "stop" and then I binged. 

Overworking isn't the only reason I'm overweight but there's definitely a link. I think I've created binge eating as a compensatory reward for all the hard work I'm making myself do----and I'm most vulnerable to binge eating after 9pm often (not always) when I'm overly tired and instead of heading for bed I head for the biscuits.

My name's Glen, this is my first Binge Eaters Anonymous meeting and I haven't had a binge for 24 hours.

For more information see: 

NHS Binge Eating Advice
Binge Eating In Men
Binge Eating More Likely To Lead To Health Risks In Men
Binge Eating: The 'Forgotten' Eating Disorder That Is More Common In Men 
Do More Men Than Women Have Eating Disorders?
Men Get Eating Disorders Too

DAY TEN NOTES

WEIGHT: 14 stone 5lb (healthy range 9 stone 7lb to 12 stone 12lb)

WAIST: 36-39 inches/94-99 cms (depends if I'm breathing in or out) 

BMI: 28 (healthy range 18.5 to 25) 

ACTION: Walked and ran 3-4 miles,  drank lots of water, stayed off the biscuits, binged on flapjacks (oops)

Next: Are these man boobs or sexy pecs?

Previous: Do more men than women have eating disorders?

Do more men than women have eating disorders?

Readers who are following my daily weight loss dairy will note that I am a day late posting this---don't worry, I didn't fall into a giant biscuit barrel and find the only escape was to eat my way on one gorgeous chocolate digestive biscuit at a time.

I wanted to touch upon eating disorders in this post and some of the gender politics of weight. In the late seventies the psychotherapist and campaigner Susie Orbach coined the phrase "fat is a feminist issue" in her pioneering anti-diet book which put forward the argument that gender inequality makes women fat. 

So what about the fat men? There are more of us than fat women after all. Are man boobs a masculist issue? And who calls themselves a masculist anyway? I know I don't!

Emily Wilson asked this question when The Guardian revisited Orbach's book in 2005. "What about fat men?" she asked. "Is male fat a feminist issue too?" before concluding that "Orbach is writing in the days before men had issues: she doesn't attempt to go there."

Just like being fat, having an Eating Disorder has also been claimed by feminism as a women’s only issue most recently by Emer O Toole in The Guardian who made the bizarre argument that you can't be a feminist and hold the perfectly reasonable view that gender inequality affects men and women in different ways. No, to be a Tooleian feminist you have to subscribe to the fundamentalist, gender binary view that women always suffer more. 

The fact about eating disorders, as with so many issues, is that it doesn’t matter whether men or women are the main sufferers, the average male sufferer experiences the gender inequality of being less likely to access the help and support he needs than the average female sufferer (a fact that should concern any feminist who is genuinely committed to tackling gender inequality). 

Men and boys do suffer from anorexia and bulimia and also experience different disorders such as “bigorexia” (the obsession with bulking up) and binge eating (without the bulimic tendency to throw up afterwards).

Sam Thomas of Men Get Eating Disorders Too, who isn't prone to hyperbole, wrote in the Huffington Post recently that when you accept that binge eating is a disorder, “for the first time men are more likely than women to fit the criteria for an eating disorder”. So to answer the question posed in the headline of his post, true figures for men with eating disorders are hard to come by but when you take all disorders into account then the male/female split is a lot closer to equal than we are led to believe. 

Sadly, years of experience shows that any attempt to tackle the problems that men and boys face will be met at some point with feminist resistant as it challenges one of the key pre-suppositions of the mainstream gender discourse that “women HAVE problems and men ARE problems”.

Susie Orbach’s Fat is a Feminist Issue supported this notion by claiming that the problem that women have with fat is caused (at least in part) by both individual men and men as a group.

Orbach has engaged in many different projects since 1978 and is credited as a co-originator of the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty. In 2011 it was reported in The Times that she is now exploring how our obsession with appearance affects both women and men. 

But feminists like Emer O’Toole continue to create and support a narrative about eating disorders and body confidence that seeks to make anything to do with body image, weight and disordered eating a problem that women have and men cause (eg the “male dominated media” causes women to have eating disorders).

And so I guess that one of things I'm trying to understand as I blog about my own struggle with with weight is how Fat is a Men's Issue? Watch this space, there's a good chance that won't be the last time I ask this question.   

If you’re interested in my previous writings on gender, body image and eating disorders see:

• Eating Disorders: How do we improve the body image of boys and girls? (Guardian)
• Memo to Jo Swinson: men have body image issues, too (New Statesman)
• Because we hate the body of men (Good Men Project)

DAY NINE NOTES

WEIGHT: 14 stone 6lb (healthy range 9 stone 7lb to 12 stone 12lb)

WAIST: 36-39 inches/94-99 cms (depends if I'm breathing in or out) 

BMI: 28.1 (healthy range 18.5 to 25) 

ACTION: Walked and ran 3-4, did a little yoga, 12 "pull downs" drank lots of water, stayed off the biscuits, snacked on fruit and seeds

Next: Am I a closet binge eater? 

Previous: Why real men are overweight 

Why real men are overweight

It's a stunning fact that two out of three men in the UK are an unhealthy weight---and I'm one of them. 

In my teens I just didn't understand how people could get fat. I used to think that if I ever put on weight I'd do a few sit-ups to sort out the problem and then crack on with my life. 

I was a keen sportsman at school and though my dreams of lifting the FA Cup; winning the Ashes; scoring a try in the five nations rugby (as it was then) and breaking the Olympic triple jump record were all cut tragically short by a knee injury when I was 15, I carried on being slim and active in my teens and early twenties. In fact I used to worry about how I could put more weight on---they say be careful what you wish for!

For the last twenty years my weight has gone up and down. I've tended not to weigh myself but I know I've been 16 stone and more  (which put me in the "obese" category) and on at least one occasion I've been so thin that I've looked unwell. Mostly I've been overweight, in denial or getting round to doing something about it. 

The in denial bit's a particularly male trait I think. Research suggests that we men are more than twice as likely as women to underestimate our weight. This means that up and down the land, overweight blokes like me are looking in the mirror and going "look at the muscle on me". How can you solve a problem if you don't think it even exists?

By contrast, women are more than twice as likely as men to overestimate your weight which means British women who are a healthy weight keep looking in the mirror and saying "my bum DOES look big in this"!

What this means is that Britain would be healthier place if about one in four women who think they need to lose weight stopped wasting their time worrying and went and convinced some of the one in four men think their a perfect size to lose a bit of flab. 

Personally I'm in denial no more. I know I'm overweight I can see it, I can feel it and I have the NHS healthy weight calculator to guide me. This morning I was 14 stone 6 lbs which means I've lost 4 lbs since starting my weight loss challenge----only 22 more lbs to go and I'll be back in the healthy weight zone. 

DAY EIGHT NOTES

WEIGHT: 14 stone 6lb (healthy range 9 stone 7lb to 12 stone 12lb)

WAIST: 36-39 inches/94-99 cms (depends if I'm breathing in or out) 

BMI: 28.1 (healthy range 18.5 to 25) 

ACTION: Walked 3 hilly miles, did a little yoga, drank lots of water, stayed off the biscuits, snacked on fruit and seeds

Tomorrow: Do more men than women have eating disorders?

Yesterday: How my masculinity stops me losing weight

How my masculinity stops me losing weight

In recent years I've begun to get interested in the role that masculinity plays in my day to day life. I've written elsewhere on this blog about the different ways to understand masculinity and femininity.

One of my favourite descriptions of masculinity is Martin Seager's Three Ancient Rules of Masculinity which suggests than men are driven by a need:

• To protect and provide
• To fight and win
• To retain mastery and control

This model helps me understand how my own masculinity can work against me when trying to lose weight. 

Firstly, the idea of a protector and provider being on a diet doesn't fit somehow, so I have tended to focus on "manly" exercising to lose weight rather than dieting---counting calories is definitely for losers!

Secondly, as I'm driven by an imperative to fight and win and I'm definitely not a loser, I tend to avoid the fights I know I can't win and so knowing that I often lose my fight with weight loss, I simply don't enter the fight. 

Thirdly, I clearly don't have mastery and control in the world of weight loss, so again it's an issue that challenges my masculinity and so I tend to avoid confronting it.

Now at this point our perceived postmodern wisdom tells us to respond by saying things like "typical man", "male pride", "fragile male ego" and wonder how we can fix men by deconstructing their masculinity. An alternative "macho" response may be to say things like "man up", "grow a pair", be a "real man" and and so on.

And from my experience of working with men, neither of these  approaches tend to work. What makes a difference, I've found, is working with men's good intentions and playing to their strengths. 

As most men are consciously or unconsciously driven--at least in part---by a masculine imperative to protect and provide, to fight and to win and to have mastery and control, then we can use those drives to help men fulfill on their good intentions. 

My good intention in losing weight is to live a long, happy, healthy life. So how can I use the ancient rules of masculinity to help me with this goal?

Well, when I lose weight I will at some level feel more able to protect and provide (even if it's only protecting myself from poor health and providing myself with a better chance of living longer); I  will also have fought to lose weight and won and I may also, in the process, gain some mastery and control in the area of maintaining a healthy weight. 

This being the case, maybe my masculinity will help me rather than hinder me in my weight loss challenge.

NB: Men and women can both draw on masculine and feminine qualities. For more on this see my pos Masculinity vs Feminity: 10 ways to understand the difference. 

DAY EIGHT NOTES

WEIGHT: 14 stone 7lb (healthy range 9 stone 7lb to 12 stone 12lb)

WAIST: 36-39 inches/94-99 cms (depends if I'm breathing in or out) 

BMI: 28.3 (healthy range 18.5 to 25) 

ACTION: Walked 3 hilly miles, did a little yoga, drank lots of water, stayed off the biscuits, snacked on fruit and seeds

Tomorrow: Why real men are overweight

Yesterday: My top 10 highlights of week one of weight watching

My top 10 highlights of week one of weight watching

Well folks it's been a long week of weight watching and the results are in. So did I lose weight or gain weight in my first week? You'll find the answer below in my list of 10 highlights from week one. 

1. Buying my new weighing scales with digital readout. There's nothing quite like investing in a new gadget to affirm how serious you are about something. I have been advised to only weigh myself once a week but being impatient (and maybe because I like my new boy toy) I've been on the scales several times a day and have been disappointed to discover that like the stock market they go up as well as down. Damn!

2. When I asked people what will makes the difference when trying to lose weight a Christian friend  replied "walk and water". As I have a bit of a messiah complex I thought she said "walk on water" and said the myself "if I could perform miracles I wouldn't need to try and lose weight, would I?" She of course meant drink lots of water and so I've been knocking back at least four pints a day. Who knows if it's making a difference to my weight, but I do like the feeling of being well hydrated and I've done a lot more walking too----mostly to the toilet.

3. Actually that last bit's not true as I have been outdoors every day running and walking about 25 miles in total. A lot of people are telling me that exercise makes very little difference to weight loss but whatever the impact in terms of burning calories, I find the improved sense of wellbeing and smugness makes all the difference (though not when old ladies overtake me in the park because I jog so slowly).

4. I've been trying to think of a manly physical challenge to help with weight loss. In the past I've found training to run a marathon a great way to stay in shape---and it's a lot of work. So I was delighted to discover the Art of Manliness guide on how to do more than one lousy pull-up and I've set myself the manly challenge of being able to do 10 pull ups. At the moment I can't do one so I've had to start with pull downs. For an explanation of this see my post "why women and fat men are no good at pull ups" (it's science not sexism).

5. Watching my waistline line shrink from an obese 37" to a twig-like 36"----but only when I breathe in. When I breathe out I've been an elephantine 39" all week---will this ever change??

6. Eating good food---I do enjoy cooking and eating, it's one of the reasons I'm overweight, particularly when I fall into the habit of mindless eating. This week I've enjoying taking a more mindful approach to cooking and eating though I am acutely aware that the part of me that binges is lurking in my shadow and could pounce on a packet of chocolate biscuits at any moment.

7. Watching my daughter eat seeds---or rather not eat seeds, was an unexpected highlight. Two elements of being a mindful eater have included not having sweet things in the house and making an active effort to sit down and eat with my loved ones. One mealtime my poor daughter was horrified to discover the closest thing to a pudding in the house was homemade flapjack with hemp, pumpkin and sunflower seeds in it. Watching her painstakingly pick every last seed out of the flapjack whilst protesting about the abject stupidity of putting seeds in there in the first place was highly entertaining. 

8. Getting support is a new concept for me when it comes to weight loss. I usually keep it to myself but going public about my challenge has certainly helped keep me focussed on the goal. I've been inundated with "help", not all of it helpful and that in itself has been an enjoyable learning process. On Thursday I wrote about the crazy things that happen when men ask for help.    

9. My favourite tip of the week---despite complaining that the NHS thinks weight loss is for women---came from the NHS weight loss guide. I first read this tip in a Paul McKenna book a few years ago and it's this: "eat slowly, it takes about 20 minutes for your stomach to tell your brain you're full." It's great to have a bit of neuro science in my diet. 

10. Losing weight is the ultimate goal and when I stood on my new scales (again) this morning I discovered I lost 1 lb (0.45kg) this week. In the past that would have occurred as a failure and could have been enough for me to give up. But one of the benefits of reaching out for help is that I've heard from several sources than 1 to 2 lbs a week is a sensible and sustainable amount to lose. So I've dealt with the disappointment that comes from my own high expectations and I'm going to celebrate my success (but not with a cake).  

Thanks to everyone who's followed this journey so far, you've all made a difference by helping me keep my eye on the prize. 

DAY SEVEN NOTES

WEIGHT: 14 stone 9lb (healthy range 9 stone 7lb to 12 stone 12lb)

WAIST: 36-39 inches/94-99 cms (depends if I'm breathing in or out) 

BMI: 28.7 (healthy range 18.5 to 25) 

ACTION: Ran and walked 3 miles, drank lots of water, stayed off the biscuits, snacked on fruit and a homemade seedy flapjack.

Tomorrow: How my masculinity stops me losing weight 

Yesterday: Losing the will to lose weight